Part time friends.

I've sort of already ranted about this before, but I don't care, I'm doing it again and if you don't like it, stop reading now. But really, keep reading.

Okay. So I have a few friends that try to pull this "part-time friend" bullshit with me.

What is a part-time friend, you might ask?

A part-time friend is a person that you don't see very often or talk to very often. You probably don't even hear from them very often, and when you do, it's usually because they want to talk about themselves. Do you have one? I bet you do.

I fucking hate these people.

Sorry, I don't want to have you text me or talk to me on Facebook just so you can talk about your new significant other and how great they are. I don't want this to happen because you're not going to speak to me again until you need to tell SOMEONE about all of the super fantastic interesting things going on in your life.

If I'm having some kind of get together, don't be surprised if you aren't invited. Don't try to wrangle yourself an invite if you aren't invited. If you aren't invited, it's because I don't consider us close enough to bother right now, and/or because your behaviour is pissing me off and I currently wish that you would die.

The one that really gets me is people who talk to me just to talk about themselves. I have one "friend" in particular that does this. I go months without hearing a word from them, and suddenly they're texting me or messaging me on Facebook, talking about their life, seeking advice, and then promptly shutting up once they've used my vast amounts of wisdom. It's another couple of months til I hear from them again, and the same thing happens.

Here's some brutal honesty. I probably give you my advice because I want to be able to say "I told you so" when you don't follow it and end up fucking things up for yourself. I may not say it to your face, but my god am I fucking thinking it. Even if I don't give you advice out of spite, I do it because I think I'm generally rather good at it, and any advice that I have to give is good practice for when people that actually matter to me ask for it.

In short:

If you treat me like shit, if you only try to be present in my life when it suits you, if you only want to be included in things I'm doing because your other "friends" will be there, if you only talk to me for advice, if you literally don't know the first thing about what's going on in my life, if you can't even be bothered to ask me how I am once in a while, if you're going to try and excuse your douchebaggery by saying you've been busy with your significant other, I would like to take this opportunity to tell you to fuck the fuck off.

If you do this, my tags seem to indicate that I really fucking hate this, to the point that I used three different tags to say "I hate you". Please take this as a warning. And do not try and call me out if you think this post is about you. It's not really about anyone in particular, but if you think this applies to you, it probably does. So make your decision. If you want to try and stay friends, great. If not, I obviously don't really care.

An open letter

Dear inconsiderate assholes living above us,

This is a letter from one of the people living below you.

You are fucking assholes. Why do you have to move furniture before nine in the morning? How much furniture do you actually have to move that you do this every single weekend morning? Why do you think that telling your children to stop running around and screaming like banshees means that you're "stifling their creativity"? You're dickheads. You're also dickheads because your children will grow up and start writing really shitty poetry but they will think it's great because their mom never stifled their creativity and then they'll get big heads and they'll become convinced that they're poets when their poetry makes me cringe. And then they'll post it on some popular social networking site for their friends to read, and their friends will unknowingly open the post because they'll be curious about what it might be, and then they'll be forced to read through the drivel written by someone with the IQ of a shoe who thinks that they can see all the world truths that nobody else can.

Your dogs are also really noisy. Your children are noisy. Your children are very noisy when they play with your noisy dogs. Those children will get sick when they move into this place because there is mold, and I feel badly about that, sort of, but maybe if you weren't such fucking assholes I would put more of an effort into making sure that something gets done about it. But really, I'm in this place for four more days, so I don't really care what happens to it after I leave.

The garbage situation here is also intolerable. I get that you have kids that probably still wear diapers (although I'm pretty sure they're too old for that...) but you're filling up our garbage can to the point that they won't pick up our can (which contains two small kitchen catchers. That's it.) and then we have to go another week with you cramming your garbage into our can and then it doesn't get picked up again.

You know what, though? I don't really care about that last one, because you're going to have to deal with it when we leave. And I'm going to create as much garbage as possible for when we leave, just so you have to deal with it.

You know why?

Because I really find you to be that intolerable. You're inconsiderate, loud, creepy as fuck (please stop closing our windows because it's really fucking weird) and you have literally no control over your children, which makes me think that you're not even worthy of an ounce of my respect. Also, your kitchen is mint green. It's really awful and that also makes me hate you.

Sincerely,

The pissed off bitch who lives below you that has been blaring music as loudly as possible for the last week.

P.S. I fucking hate you.

P.P.S. But thanks for the free internet that helped me write this post.

Tiiiiiiiiired, but

Top five things I hate:

1. Idiots. I also hate the latest trend of claiming to be "trolling" on the internet when someone makes you look like a jackass.

2. People who inflict their mess on me.

3. When somebody knows that they owe you money, but continues to go along and hopes that you won't notice.

4. Hypocrisy. Grasping at straws just makes you look like a loser.

5. I goddamn hate when movie trailers give away the whole movie. Like that "Tron" movie or whatever the fuck it's called? When I saw the preview for it before Alice in Wonderland started, I was VERY annoyed by the incredibly expository bits of dialogue that they used to capture a viewer's attention.

"What, he's going to turn up and say that he just got sidetracked after twenty years?"

"You never know...."

Or something to that effect. This is why I write scripts, because I have a horrid memory for dialogue and would never remember any of my lines.

So basically, this guy's dad is some kind of nerdy guy. I believe he works in some kind of alternate universe. Boring main character decides to go have a look and figure out what happened to his dad. Finds himself drawn into the world, and, lo and behold, his dear dad is there. But OH NO, everything's just so SCARY, whatever shall we do!

That being said... I might go see it because it has Olivia Wilde in it. THIRTEEN! I straight up love her. When we saw Year One in theatres, I yelled IT'S THIRTEEN the second she came on the screen. There was a rather awkward pause after. Apparently there were no House fans in the building.

Did I mention that I find this sudden happening HILARIOUS, and am grateful to the informer? I look forward to the smackdown promised by text message.

Two days since my last rant? OH NO!

I have so many irritating things to rant about today.

But I suppose I should start with a general rant, because it seems to be happening to me pretty often lately. Don't do things just to get some kind of reaction out of me. If you have to resort to something like that, it's more than likely that I straight up do not give a fuck.

And I'll be honest here - I don't give a fuck about most things lately. I'm struggling to break the surface on the "homework/fuck you professors" ocean, while trying to make sure that I'm there in case A/K/A (I do that just for the lulz) need to talk, along with my lovely friends from work. Other than that, I care about my parents. And I care about listening to music constantly. Everything else is a non-issue. I don't have time to devote to drama, nor do I care to.

On a slightly happier note (but that's not the point of this blog!), I'm going to have a campfire type thing with the people from my drama workshop tomorrow night. I'm really looking forward to it, actually. There's this totally badass girl that writes the most twisted stories in the class, and she'll be there. We get on quite well, she definitely brings out the feminist in me. Also, I just enjoy watching her do battle with this weird idiot in our class.

Reasons that I hate this guy:

1. He has this really irritating manner of speaking. It makes me want to set him on fire.

2. He seems to have this tendency to want to deal with really huge topics in the span of a very short script. Like suicide, or homosexuality, or... you know, someone who commits suicide because they're "in the closet."

3. I wouldn't have a problem with the above if he didn't do it so callously.

4. My script this semester was about lesbians who win the lottery. The point of the script wasn't to show that OMGZ LESBIANS ARE NORMAL OMFG or something, it was to show that people always dream about winning the lottery, and it might not always be as ideal as people think it would be. So the girls get stalked and flashed and end up running off because they don't want to deal with the crap anymore. And his peer edit spent AGES wondering why they were lesbians.

WHY do I have to give a reason for making my couple lesbian? It was an... I don't want to say arbitrary, but there was no hidden symbolism or whatever in it. They were just lesbians, because the couple in my script for our play portion was straight. It was more a balance thing for me. Was I setting out to make a political statement by treating a gay relationship like a straight relationship? Nope. A relationship is a goddamn relationship.

A relationship is between two people who are initially attracted to each other and then end up hating each other. Homosexual break ups get just as messy as straight relationships, gay relationships have the revolting lovey-dovey phase at the beginning, blah blah.

It pisses me off that choosing to treat human beings as human beings is a political statement now.

See, another rant for the day...

In a lot of ways, I goddamn hate Facebook. Sometimes, when I'm in a particularly vicious mood, I actually enjoy watching a person post emo status update after emo status update, and I laugh and say things like, "what a fucking loser!"

I know. I'm a total bitch.

Alas, right now, there's too much status update drama for me. It seems like every other update has someone talking about their life falling apart. I feel bad for them, somewhat, but I don't want to see it on Facebook. Unless it's hilarious, in which case, post away. Most of it is, but sometimes, I see one and I get this weird feeling that I'm told is pity, and then I fucking hate the person for making me feel such a foolish thing.

And some status updates are just fucking strange. It's weird to see nerds trying to act tough, posting threatening lyrics (they're really all just poorly constructed and sound fucking stupid) or trying to act in a threatening fashion. It's like, you weigh a hundred pounds, I could snap you in half and I would laugh while I did it.

I was going to rant about Ann Coulter, but I just can't bring myself to talk about all the things that piss me off about her. I may end up ranting about Twatlight next, however. Apparently whatever shitty film from the "saga" is out for DVD and shit is quite popular, everyone's posting status updates about it. I goddamn hate Twilight.

I haven't gone anywhere, so here's some rants about yesterday.

Inspired by Erin's blog, I have also decided to create one. I'm significantly bitchier and angrier than Erin, however, so I'm sure I'll offend everyone at some point... If only I was American, then I could justify it as "freedom of speech" or something. Just kidding. Somewhat.

Yesterday, at work (I work in a thrift store that tries to disguise itself as a second-hand department store), a woman came through my till with four books. I asked her if she had a fifth (the "deal" is that if you buy four books, you get a fifth one free) and she said that she did not. I had just put in two books at $3.99 (they were hardcover books, that's the rule, blah blah) when she slammed the last book she was holding on the counter and said, "I thought it was buy one, get three free." I stared at her for a very long time with my "what the fuck are you fucking stupid" face and ran through all the things I wanted to say to her in my head. I settled on one question that was significantly less confrontational (as in, it didn't include the word "stupid" once). I asked her how that would be profitable for us. And she fired back with, "I don't care about your goddamn profits, that's what the girl told me."

So I asked her which girl she meant, and she said, "That fat one!" and pointed to Erin. Not only was I fucking pissed because Erin is NOT fat, I was pissed that she was trying to blame her stupidity on someone that I know for a fact would never say that, because she knows our rules and she can actually, you know, READ A FUCKING SIGN THAT'S EVERYWHERE WHEN SHE'S LOOKING FOR A BOOK FOR HALF A FUCKING HOUR THE SIGN IS ON EVERY SINGLE FUCKING BOOK SHELF UGH. So I said that I doubted that it was Erin and that whoever she asked must not have been clear, and I explained the rule. Of course, I was rather bitchy, because I wanted to smack her or punch her right in her ugly goddamn mouth. She asked me repeatedly if I was "sure" of the rule, getting progressively more rude each time, as I kept informing her that yes, I was sure, yes, I knew the rule, and that I have worked at this store (not that particular location, but for the chain) for nearly a year. She decided to be an idiot (I suppose she didn't have a choice, such was her nature) and demanded that I call a supervisor over, which I did gladly. And by gladly, I mean that Jen was nearby, so I said "JEN" and she came over.

The lady proceeds to ask Jen her (stupid fucking) question. Jen stares at her for a while (I'd love to know how Jen does that without looking bitchy. Not that I wouldn't want to look bitchy, I'd just like to know how she does it.) and then repeats what I've tried to pound into this lady's head that houses her poor excuse for a brain. Then this bitch... I mean woman... acts like we tried to fucking trick her or something. I swear to Noel Gallagher (I don't believe in God, but that's my equivalent) that this is how the remainder of the conversation went.

Jen: "Well, I don't know who would have told you that, but -"

Dumb bitch: "That girl!" *pointing vaguely in the complete opposite direction from Erin, who she claimed told her that stupid idea for a deal when she was pissing me off before Jen got there.*

Jen: "I'm sorry, but that's not our rule." *Looks at me, and I nod to let her know that I'm good for the rest of this.*

Me: *as Jen walks away* Thanks, Jen.

Dumb bitch: "Yeah, thanks for NOTHING."

Me: "Do you still want your books."

Dumb bitch: "I just want the ONE fucking book that I fucking came in for."

Me: "$4.19."

Dumb bitch: "What the fuck this is outrageous -"

Me: "That's how much hardcover books are. Do you want it."

Dumb bitch: "Yes, this is the fucking book I came in for."

Me: "$4.19. Want a bag."

Dumb bitch: "Yes, I fucking want a bag."

I chuck her book in a bag and wait for her to give me her filthy money. I made sure I didn't directly touch her or anything, though, Jaimie always reminds me that stupidity is contagious.

She gives me the money, I give her her change, and as she's walking out, she starts bitching again.

Dumb bitch (why will she not shut up?): "This is fucking stupid, I'm never coming back!"

Me: "That's actually great! Bye now!"

I swear, I've never been treated like a sub-human before because of where I work. It's interesting but a total goddamn piss off sometimes.

This is rather long, but I'm sure I'll have something else to rant about soon... I can think of a few things, but perhaps my next rant will be about Ann Coulter. Because apparently I enjoy talking about someone who makes me want to light myself on fire.

There will probably be multiple updates a day, because that's just... I spend a lot of time angry, and I look at this as an opportunity to attempt to get a lot of that rage out.